Tag Archives: unrequited love

What is an Unrequited Love?

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The Way I Love You (A Letter To My Loved One)[1]

Dearly beloved,

When i first met you,
I knew you were special.
Something clicked inside me,
that knew this was the beginning
of something surreal.

For as long as I can remember,
I have dreams of fairytales
and love stories;
but they have never come close
to our story.

You have made me see
that life has so much to offer.
You encourage me to aspire
to be my best.

Without you,
I would have been stuck in
a cobweb,
of questions about
my self worth.

Now I can look in the mirror
and tell myself
that I am beautiful,
my future is bright with your presense.

Emotions run wild
My heart longs for you
Without you, my existance
is worth nothing.

My heart aches when you are gone.
When we are seperated
my soul feels tortured.

People speak of soulmates,
you are this and my bestfriend.
You are the keeper of my heart.
Dont lose the key.

Love always,
Emily.

Unrequited love is seriously distracting!

“My thoughts continually turn to him; every song reminds me of his face. I fantasize about us being together. Sometimes I awaken and know I’ve been dreaming about him. It’s an ache that literally hurts my chest. In the hours and days after seeing him, I can’t eat, sleep, or concentrate on work! It’s not just infatuation; it’s real love!” These are the words of a woman in love with a married work colleague” [2].

     This is a type of romantic love that is common among younger lovers who misread verbal and nonverbal cues of their beloved and who have yet to learn about their own love needs and wants.”Unrequited love is the result of one person deeply wanting an intimate relationship with another who simply is not interested and who does not reciprocate.” Unrequited is often the result of mismatch of personal attributes between two people. One person may find the traits of the other attractive but the latter does not find the former’s physical or personal attitudes worth exploring. Sometimes, this happens in a mismatch in physical qualities. The person pursuing may probably be too “ugly” or “beautiful” for the other or vice versa. The public often expects compatibility. If the girl or wife is beautiful, they also expect that the boy or husband is also attractive or least not within the range of what is culturally acceptable as “beautiful”. If they enter into a romantic relationship despite this incompatibility, the one partner may have found a redeeming factor from the unattractive partner probably in terms of social status or wealth. Thus, a beautiful young lady can fall in love with “ugly” old man because of the latter’s wealth and social connections which can provide her with material security and higher social status.

      There was one girl in one college who is madly in love with a guy who does not respond to her initiatives. She sent him gifts and often met him and offered him friendship and warm care. She even went to the extent of becoming a stalker, following him wherever he went. But this one-sided affair did not materialize into a romantic relationship. The guy further ignored this girl and transferred to another school and residence just to avoid her. Unrequited is, indeed, painful to the person falling in love. This could have been avoided if he or she would stop after few attempts to invite the other to enter into a romantic relationship. Of course, this is not easy. The main reason why a person cannot just stop initiating his or her courtship despite being avoided by the other is infatuation, i.e., the strong and irrational feeling of caring and longing for intimacy with the other by the person falling in love with. Infatuation is not easy to stop. Only time can heal it and by distancing oneself completely from things or people who can remind him or her of the person one is falling with.

      But this is not always the case. There are some situations where persistence in courtship pays. Depending on their upbringing with regard to loving and cultural taste, there are some girls who love to be pursued, either as a test to know who among the suitors is serious in his proposal. Others are probably conservative or religious that they go beyond physical traits of their suitors and look for good spiritual values they expect from their partners.

6  Ways to Get Past the Pain of Unrequited Love (F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W)

     1. There’s no way to get around it: Rejection hurts. Your heart has been broken, and there’s a real physical sensation of pain.

    2. Know that you aren’t alone. According to social psychologist and my PT colleague Roy Baumeister, 98% of us have suffered from unrequited love at one time or another.

  1. Try to see if falling for someone who doesn’t love you back is a pattern in your life. According psychologist Phillip Shaver, falling in love with someone who will reject you can be a repeated pattern for some people. This may be particularly true if you had repeated experiences in childhood with what is called “insecure attachment.”

  2. Ask yourself if you would rather not have loved the person at all. Is it true, what Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem says?:”I hold it true, whate’er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; ‘Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.”

  1. This might not help you much, but there is evidence that unrequited love hurts the person who is loved as well as the one who is doing the loving. In a study of more than 200 incidents of unrequited love, Baumeister found that rejecters suffered from guilt and anxiety and often reported feeling like they were victims.

  2. Finally, give up the quest for closure. Everyone agrees that one of the hardest parts of unrequited love is accepting that it is not ever going to be what you want it to be. You may keep looking for evidence that it’s over, but what you may really want is proof that it could happen [3].

References

[1] https://www.redbubble.com/people/emmahleee/writing/3472479-the-way-i-love-you-a-letter-to-my-loved-one

[2] http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/how-to-handle-the-pain-of-unrequited-love/

[3] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201502/6-ways-get-past-the-pain-unrequited-love

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